• Inner Healing Ministries and Oral Sex
    Part 3 ~ My Observations

    As a former “professional legalist” I can spot the stain of it and smell its stench a mile away. It has very clear identifying marks. One of these is the need to stretch scripture to fit an accepted pre-existing religious restriction. Legalistic logic can seem perfect, but the conclusions are very flawed, no matter how sincere the people presenting them. Sadly, I see some of the same kinds of convoluted reasoning in many of the statements made against oral sex and oral stimulation.

    It is tragic when we leave behind
    a whole lot of religious garbage and
    come into great spiritual freedom and
    emotional healing, only to find the
    same demonic influence and fatally
    flawed logic slipping in unawares.

    It is sad, tragic really, when we leave behind a whole lot of religious garbage and come into great spiritual freedom and emotional healing, only to find the same demonic influence and fatally flawed logic slipping in unawares. This is what I believe has happened. I think it is understandable if I am somewhat sensitive about legalistic religious rules being applied something as holy as the sex life of a married couple. And religious rules they are. Well intended to be sure, legalistic none the less. Let me explain.

    The Purpose of Sex

    In order to understand what is godly and healthy in any activity, it is helpful to look at the purpose of that activity. Sex is for both procreation and pleasure. A young couple can procreate only about once a year. They can experience sexual pleasure on an almost daily basis. The approximately 300/1 ratio would indicate that sex in marriage is much more about pleasure than it is ever about procreation. For those of us who are older and beyond our childbearing years, sex becomes exclusively about pleasure and the physical expression of a loving intimate relationship. What a wonderful idea God had when He invented this primarily-for-pleasure function of our bodies!

    Not only is marital intimacy primarily for the divinely ordained pleasure of sexual ecstasy, it is also for the joy and pleasure of emotional and spiritual intimacy as well. Sex brings a husband and wife together in acts of ultimate delight. It relieves the build-up of body fluids and releases sexual tension. Following an orgasm, there is the wonderful afterglow.

    So, does oral sex and oral stimulation fall within the parameters of being pleasurable? It certainly does! A warm mouth on a hard penis feels wonderful. A soft tongue on a stimulated clitoris has a delightful effect. Oral stimulation and oral sex fulfil one of the primary purposes for which God chose to give us this wonderful gift. As God said when He looked at our naked bodies, “It is good!”

    Mutually Enjoyable

    Nothing Beats Oral Sex.

    Some have said that to be legitimate oral sexual stimulation must be mutually enjoyable. If that is true, is there a woman who does not enjoy being orally stimulated, even to orgasm? Is there a man who does not enjoy the same thing? If all is as God intended they both enjoy being on the receiving end.

    Perhaps there are some who do not enjoy either receiving or ministering such delights, but how much of the “discomfort” comes from religious nonsense? How much comes because someone expressed repressed ideas about sexual acts in marriage. If an authority figure like her Mom tells a young woman “Oral sex is dirty and unnatural” is she not going to have inhibitions and hang-up that come from prudery? If their church or “pastor” teach such a mistaken notion, might not the married couples in the church adopt a perverted mind-set about what God has given? I say “given” because oral stimulation is no more “permitted” than is intercourse. It is a normal, natural, and enjoyable expression of married love. The practice of oral sexual stimulation is normal and natural. The prohibition is a perversion.

    Mutually Agreeable

    The case is made that if one partner believes that oral stimulation and oral sex are wrong then it s wrong for the couple. “If one of you feels it is unclean, then for them it is sin, and out of love you would stop.”

    While I recognize that subjectively “whatsoever is not of faith is sin”, objectively having your spouse believe oral sex is wrong does not make it wrong. Yes, out of love refrain while they feel that way. But apply this reasoning to other sexual acts. Some sincere but misguided Christians have come to believe that all sex is wrong. And while they believe this nonsense it would be wrong for them to have sex, simply because it could not be done in faith. But objectively, we know that a married couple having sex is holy, not sinful. Believing a lie does not make sex sin.

    The point is also made that to try and change their mind would be wrong. But would it be wrong for one spouse to try and use the Word of God and pure logic to convince the other that sex intercourse is a godly act between husband and wife? Of course it would not. The same is true concerning oral-genital contact. An attempt at gentle reasoning and a more Biblical mindset would be loving and kind, not sinful. Of course if the answer is still a “no”, the godly response would be to respect their limitations. But calling it a sin is inconsistent with the Word of God.

    Climax for One, Not for the Other?

    Oral Sex Coupon.

    The point is made that it is sinful for a man to climax while his wife is stimulating him orally. While I can see that a wife might regard it as unpleasant, the idea that it is sinful seems excessive. What if a man is stimulating his wife orally? Would it be sinful for him to bring her to orgasm? I have done so many times with my wife. In fact, I advocate the benefits of doing so for any man who wants to more easily satisfy his wife.

    This brings me to another of their objections. . .

    Oral Sex is Unnatural

    Seriously? How well do you know female anatomy? The clitoris is not inside the vagina, it is located externally and above. And oftentimes intercourse, unless a man is proficient in using the “slide and glide” method rather than the “thump and bump”, is simply not the best way to bring his wife to climax. And even the most skilled lover may fail at performing this noble task though simple intercourse. But the tongue seems to be perfectly designed for clitoris stimulation. It is soft, can flick, twirl, and apply gentle direct pressure. It can stimulate slowly and when needed can apply much greater speed than possible with an erect penis. No, oral stimulation is very natural, and the tongue perfectly designed for the act.

    Demonization?

    Ellel Ministries believes that oral sex/stimulation can lead to demonization.

    • First, this is an experience based subjective observation.
    • Second, it could be that the defiling oral stimulation/sex was experienced outside of the bonds of holy matrimony in which case it was enjoyed illegitimately, thus giving the enemy clear legal ground.
    • Third, the point is made that homosexual oral sex brings demonization. Yes, but it is the homosexuality that opens the way to defilement, not the act itself.

    But it does not matter; no matter what the reasoning or the subjective experience, Christians cannot forbid a practice clearly approved in the Word of God.

    My Suggestions

    I appreciate that these Inner Healing ministries teach much truth and do much good. I have seen the dramatic miracles. But rather than

    • surrender oral stimulation and oral sex to the porn industry that defiles this holy practice,
    • condemn it because it was a practice defiled by its use before marriage,
    • fail to see and teach it as a normal godly part of a husband and wife’s sexual repertoire, or
    • associate it with the demonic,

    I would suggest that first, the Biblical truth about oral sex be taught. Second, a prayer modality be developed to deal with the legalism and lies that limit some Christian's intimate lives. Third, prayer be offered to redeem and cleanse the practice when it has been defiled by former sinful acts or associated with the use of pornography. And finally, that couples be encouraged to have a spirit of sexual generosity toward each other, and that they enlarge their willingness and capacity to minister to each other sexually.

    Yes, vaginal sex is to be enjoyed most frequently, but certainly not to the exclusion of other enjoyable practices. And certainly not at the expense of something so enjoyable and God ordained as oral stimulation and oral sex.


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    Quid Pro Fellatio

    Quid Pro Fellatio.

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